RSS

Author Archive

Oh No! It’s Another Paradigm Shift!

Ladies, I’m back from my my 50th high school reunion and here’s the revelation: single guys, like P., who once considered me “out of his league,” now thinks he has a chance, and, maybe he does. Here’s why: He’s in good shape—goes to the gym 5 days a week. He’s a great dancer. He’s retired, […]

Casual Sex

I had my first fuckbuddy at 19,

What’s a Girl To Do?

You find out a lot about your walking partner, that’s just a fact. It starts off as two people being grateful that they’ve found a tolerable person who walks at the same pace. Then, the inevitable. One day she’s sniffling, with a Kleenex balled up in her hand. “What’s wrong?” you ask. A cold? “No, […]

Still Hot at 60

I just saw my former husband—haven’t seen him in years. He’s always been a very handsome, attractive man, but now—he looks old and he wears dorky glasses. I let myself imagine—if I was snowed in at an airport, and he sat down next to me to wait it out at the bar—would I be interested, […]

Why I Flirt with Married Men

I flirt with married men because they flirt with me first. I’m just flirting back.

Ick! Ick! Ick!

I hate that ad that I see here in L.A. all the time–the one with the little old lady, with white old lady hair and vein-y hands and drab clothes, kissing her obviously addled husband on his bald, spotty head, over the caption “Does someone you love have Alzheimer’s?” What I mean is, how can […]

WTF?

Ever notice how People, and Vogue, those types of magazines, will have this headline on the cover: “Beauty at Every Age!” “Sexy at Any Age, featuring stars and celebrities in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and then they stop. Nobody in their 60s. No Susan Sarandon, no Goldie Hawn, no Helen Mirren etc. Why?

Very Bad News

Ladies, here’s terrible news. Men run out of testosterone and then they aren’t horny all the time. So they stop chasing you. No matter how tight your abs, or white your teeth, it’s not going to happen because he’s not going to be driven to have sex. The game can’t go on if one party […]

Lust & Desire: A Modern Lament

It happened. I now know what it’s like to be a 40 year old man, married with a few kids, paying the babysitter, and then driving her home; she’s 16 years old, with 16 year old skin, and hair, and air, and even if she’s just kind of cute and 10 lbs. overweight, that 40 […]

Reporting in from SoCal

Yesterday, at the Lancôme counter, the big “makeover” event. “Fever” was playing in the background. I don’t know the act or singer. “My” generation’s version was Peggy Lee. The event supervisor was dancing to the music. To “Fever”–a song that’s been around for over 60 years. Why? Cause it is sexy. When people hear it, […]