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Should I fuck the gardener?

Lots of sex around.  Yesterday it was the story in the New Yorker  about the man who was given a prostitute on his 60-something birthday.  Today the gardener came on to me. Carlos, the gardener’s assistant,  he’s in his 20s, and  with whom I can’t ever remember saying anything other than Hi, asked me how come he never sees my husband.  Gave me the ol “I can’t believe that” when I told him I didn’t have one.  His body language said, “I want you and  you know you want me, too.”  My body language agreed.  What’s your name, let’s talk about our names, let’s use outrageous body language, I loved it, it was juicy, and then, and then…..flickers of self doubt. I pulled my punch.  Am I an easy prey?  Is he fucking with me? Is he a hustler—I have a nice house and a fancy sports car, and I’m not fat.  He could have an older woman fetish.

Maybe he’s just an outrageous flirt, like I was at his age, and still am.  The rules of that game require that you be  hyper confident, and it’s immaterial whether or not there is valid reason to  be confident, it’s the belief that permeates the air, and that gives you the juice to flirt back.  I am a confident woman and I am attracted to confident, Alpha men.

It was intense.   This wasn’t one of my Match dot com fix ups, this flirtation was pure chemistry, “yeah you are 60 but you are a good looking woman who clicks with me, and I’ll be man enough to make a play and let you know it.”  It takes a very confident man to do that.

Pablo the “head” gardener is shy, mumbles when he talks, looks like a modern version of the classic Diego Rivera campesino, and  when we talk he doesn’t look me in the eye, he looks down and shuffles his toes.  Carlos, the confident “assistant” has a dazzling smile, is good-looking, is Americanized. His body language is relaxed and he exudes  a reassuring confidence that  says he’s  in charge of the situation.   All situations.  He says things an American would say and he was sure of himself in the most charming way .  If this was the 50s he might be described as a young man who is “going places.”

I’ve been thinking about it off and on all day.  It reminded me of what I don’t have.  Sizzle.  Lust.  A man in my bed.

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